We were right there. We were so close. It seemed like we had a midwife, one I felt comfortable with, and she wasn't going to charge us.
This would have been a lovely alternative to going unassisted for our first child. She's a hands-off midwife and we really want to do this ourselves. But it's our first time, and I don't know what to expect.
I want to burst into snotty tears because I'm alone right now. My life partner is off solving other problems and I'm here discovering a new one. We don't even have a crib right now. His parents said they'd get the baby his crib, but so far not a word has been said since the baby shower and I'm due in a month and a half. We don't have a bed. We sleep on a deflated air mattress every night and, actually, that's not so bad. But the room's a mess because we have all our things plus the baby's things just lying around in boxes. We have more debt than money at this point and we lack so many basic things. At least we have our own room in this house. That's a start. I know things will be okay eventually, but can someone please throw me a rope? It seems that all the help we can get just isn't enough. We got so many wonderful presents at the baby shower and yet the baby still has no place to sleep. What are we going to do? Perhaps it'd be easier if we were on our own. Because we'd make due with what we have and still be happy without anyone making us feel bad for the way we live. But even that takes money.
Why must everything revolve around money? Why can't we gain goods and benefits through hard work, kindness, understanding? Why must I rely on my luck to get a job? Why must I feel bad about being pregnant simply because it means I can't work outside the house?
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